Over The Rainbow

Sorry to blog about this again, and I am also very drunk right now and have never blogged when drunk before, but I simply LOVE 'Over the Rainbow'. Its so beautiful, it makes me want to cry everytime I hear it. It generates SO much longing in me, its insane...more than any other song ever written. Bless whoever wrote the song and arranged it for the 'Wizard of Oz'. Stunning in everyway...visually, musically, lyrically. Its a song that can transport you, in every sense. And yes, it is my most favourite songh of all time. Simply love it, can't even begin to express how much. The moment I start I will get all pedagogical and analytical. Its a song I just love.

Judy Judy Judy!

For as long as I can remember, I have idolised Judy Garland. Even before Audrey Hepburn and Julie Andrews (though I have practically grown up watching Mary Poppins). I remember in class 5 or so, I read 'The Wonderful Wizard of Oz' and then waited eagerly, with my VCR ready to record 'The Wizard of Oz' when it came on TNT. I recall being extremely disappointed with the movie. It was my first dose of the bitter fact that movie adaptations of books do not always follow the original storyline. How could the script writers make Glinda and the good witch of the North the same? How could they send Dorothy back home straight from Emerald City, without her final journey to the South across Chinatown and the hill of the Hammerheads. And most sacrilagious of all, how could the whole thing have been a dream?! I was extremely upset and refused to watch the movie for a long time since then. But slowly, it grew on me. The iconic status that this movie has achieved now is farily understandable..I have never seen any movie so supremely designed to end up as iconic! Every line is quotable, every song is hummable, every character is memorable...Its a great package. And Judy Garland was soon my heroine.

She is pretty much the quitessential solo music performer. In my opinion, no one can quite perform like her. In 'Over the Rainbow', she unconciously holds your attention..her simple vulnerability, her innocence, her pleading eyes and the longing in her voice can appeal to people of all ages, be it young children or adults longing to get away from their stressful existence. This is officially my most favourite song of all time (surprisingly!). No song has so consistently moved me or inspired so many feelings like this song. I can listen to it even today and feel a lump in my throat. I totally think it deserves its status as the greatest movie song ever...to think it was almost deleted from the final cut of the movie! My admiration for Judy grew, watching her opposite Mickey Rooney in the 'Andy Hardy' movies. And then, I saw 'The Man that Got Away'. At the risk of repeating myself, I truly think this is one of the greatest performances I have ever seen of a song. And its unnerving how I know and can imagine, while listening to the song, ever hand gesture of hers, every expression..the way she covers her stage, throws her hand out, pushes her fringe back (I know I'm starting to sound slightly creepy now)etc etc! Simply amazing.

Judy Garland is the reason I have always wanted to be a singer in a night club (and consequently wished I was born white). Two songs, 'The Man that Got Away' and 'An Affair to Remember' (this one has Deborah Kerr singing) have always epitomised the elegant, smoky nightclubs of the 50s for me...and era and scene that I've always longed to be a part of. Of course, its all fantasy, nothing will ever come of such dreams. But every now and then, I like to imagine myself singing 'The Man that Got Away' with my backing band, an elegant dress on, wowing the crowd like Judy Garland continues to wow me. This post to dedicated to her, my childhood heroine, who's influence remains to this day.

Bittersweet

I can't stop looking at photos of the NLS Ball. What an event, seriously! (If I may say so). Every bit of it was special, just like Admit One and Le Gala before it.

I'm quite amazed at how true the proverb 'familiarity breeds contempt' is. I usually think most proverbs are faffy. This one has been proved time and again to be correct. Can you really ever like a person you get very close to? I wonder...

To be read after the previous post:

However, its also fairly amazing how, listening to "Lady Marmalade" and imagining myself with the perfect body dancing a sexy routine in front of some hot guy, never fails to cheer me up enormously!

Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth
color of cafe au lait alright
Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried,
More-more-more

:P

Well I've just found another way to depress myself. I've convinced myself that looking at things philosophically is just a loser's way of looking at the world. I'll tell you why. Of late, I have been rejected by two firms for an internship and by the college for an exchange program, the latter which I really, really wanted. I know I shouldn't have expected to get it, but it still hit me pretty hard. Along with that, the reality of my pathetic CGPA became all too apparent. Its all but done away with the 'embrace the world' attitude I'd adopted in the hols.

After seeing New York in the holidays, seeing another country, another place which I connected with to such an extent, I was excited like I hadn't been for a very long time. I knew I could get there, I WANTED to get there. The world seemed to be my oyster, to use a cliched phrase. Then law school happened and all my inadequacies caught up with me. Big time. And just the other day, I was reflecting on how law school gave you a very skewed perspective of life. Because, life does not exist only within law school, it happily thrums outside this institution, and offers opportunities and allows all types to exist, even thrive. I tried fairly hard to use this attitude to make my thinking more positive. I told myself again and again that this was not what I wanted anyway, and what I really wanted was still within my reach. But, there is this nagging voice at the back of my head which keeps saying that no mater how much I philosophize, how much I look at things from a broader perspective, no matter how long I try to motivate myself, the fact remains that I have screwed up....and badly at that.

I seem to have suffered this almost irreparable loss in self-confidence - my first thought for any job I'm given is "I can't do it!". And the nerves start to build up..I can't sleep, I can't even work properly because I'm so nervous...Its a differnet thing that I manage to do it fairly well at the end of the day. Its an insanely vicious cycle and frankly, I'm unable to see how I'm going to get out of this one. Scary, scary stuff.

Frustration

Fedrer smashed his racket. I feel like smashing my comp. First it crashed, and now when its been repaired, my charger conks off. Its not fair I tell you. There are other things also. May be some other time....and the heat makes it worse.