In Xanadu

I have just finished reading 'In Xanadu' by William Dalrymple and this has put me in a fairly restive mood. For the whole of today, I threw all caution, studies and application forms to the winds and sat (or rather lay) spell bound, reading about WD's amazing journey across 12, 000 miles through Central Asia from Jerusalem to Xanadu in Mongolia. I guess the restive mood is prompted by the fact that I have always wanted to make a journey like this.

Having several deadlines to meet, I tried to sleep but was quite hungover the book. Cold barren deserts, fierce turbaned Afghans, jagged mountain peaks and great domed mosques all flashed before my eyes. Ever since I read about Peshawar in Afghanistan in I think 'Shantaram' followed by Dalrymple's own 'Age of Kali', I have wanted to go to central Asia and visit the great bazaars, travel through maze like alleyways lined with mud brick houses and (for some reason) watch bearded Pashtuns parade around with their AK 47s. 'In Xanadu' rekindled that longing in a big way. I grew depressed thinking that my current line of study was singularly unsuited to travel on this scale. 5 years in law with small vacations spent interning and now this MBA with no vacations did not throw up vast opportunities for a long journey using buses, trucks and walking as the chief modes of transport.

Indeed, even my dream of backpacking across North India looks a little doubtful. I have always wanted to (this phrase has appeared for the third time in this entry I think) journey from the west to the east - across Gujarat (well I am there now, but no time!!), through the Rajasthani desert (romantically on a camel, braving sandstorms), upwards through to Punjab (may be I can spend more time in Amritsar) and into Himachal Pradesh moving on to Kashmir, before coming down to Delhi (a one week pleasure stop). Then I would press on to UP - through Agra, Allahabad and Ayodhya into the great Chambal valley in MP. Somehow I would emerge from there and move into Jharkhand and Bihar (and probably make a foray into Nepal). There I would finally reach Bengal, visit the mountains in Sikkim, pay homage to the tea gardens of Assam and the rock music in Mizoram. From there I would fly, exhausted, back to Bangalore and renew myself on a strict diet of dosas and beer. Dreaming thus, I started wondering - if only I had studied history at Cambridge (like Dalrymple), if only I was white (these damn white people get clear passages every where), or better still - if only I had been a journalist, if only I hadn't taken up such strenuous courses and done arts at DU instead....As the ifs started crowding into my head, I switched the laptop on and decided to rant on this blog.

I Googled some of the places visited in 'In Xanadu' and then Googled Xanadu itself - the town where Kublai Khan, the grandson of Genghis Khan received the Italian explorer Marco Polo, thus cementing the latter's legendary status as the first European to have first penetrated the Far East. In fact, 'In Xanadu' recounts Dalrymple's fantastic attempt to retrace Marco Polo's footsteps across Israel, Turkey, Iran, Pakistan, Afghanistan and China i.e. through the famed Silk Route. The book is rich in detail, full of anecdotes and seems to indicate that Dalrymple faced a considerably harder time than Marco Polo as he was travelling in 1986, when both Iran and China were extremely suspicious of Westerners (my white person wish is more to do with the fawning attitude adopted by most Orientals towards Occidentals in recent times, cha). Kublai Khan is of course known to us mainly through Samuel Taylor Coleridge's poem which we all would have studied and recited in school - In Xanadu did Kubla Khan, A stately pleasure dome-decree... etc etc. I never really liked this poem for some reason. It wasn't half as exciting as 'The Highwayman' or 'Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner'. Anyhow, on Googling Xanadu, I found that it was the name of a 1980 disco musical starring Olivia Newton John. Initially dismayed by this, my curiosity soon gained the upper hand and I ended up reading the Wiki entry about the movie (a refreshingly random plot involving a nightclub, a Greek muse and a painter of record covers who falls in love with her and asks her father Zeus for her hand, all set in Los Angeles) and watching the title song for the movie on Youtube. It was the usual gaudy disco affair, full of disco balls and strobe lights and Olivia Newton John at her 'Physical' best. Ah well. Music leads to travel and travel leads to music. Where does an MBA fit in?

The MBA will sponsor my travels and show biz career. Just you wait.

Top 18 Travel Memories

My next post might also be in a list format, can't tell.

1. The Maid of the Mist ride into the Niagra falls. The falls are horseshoe shaped and the boat takes you into the middle of the horseshoe. For about 10 minutes, you are surrounded by roaring water, a fine mist hitting your face. Quite an overwhelming moment in some ways.
2. The Kraken ride at Sea World, Orlando. The roller coaster last for about 2 minutes and has 7 loops! I went twice. An incredible adrenaline rush.
3. Watching Chicago in New York. Broadway has been one of my various showbiz obsessions for a while and watching Chicago on Broadway was almost spiritual.
4. My first first sight of Times Square. This was when I had gone with my family. We took a cab from Upper Manhattan and got off just before the actual junction of Broadway and 7th Avenue. A few paces took us in the midst of a whirlwind of noise, colour and people. The sheer exhilaration of being there made me want to jump around.
5. The Wayanad trek. It is definitely one of the most unique experiences I have had. The long trek upwards, subsequent qualms about going further and the final trudge to the heart-shaped lake and our photo taking session on top. One of the cooler things I have done (I hope to do more of them!).
6. Paris. I can't really pin-point anything specific moment here - everything was so awesome! But highlights definitely include the view from the top of the Eiffel Tower and Roland Garros.
7. Wimbledon and Strawberries and Cream. Our old time British guide took us on a good one hour tour of the entire Wimbledon grounds. We then had baked jacket potatoes and strawberries and cream for lunch. I could literally picture text from Enid Blighton books before my eyes.
8. Hong Kong Disneyland. Though it is called a poor man's Disneyland, we visited it over two days and met almost all Disney 'characters' including Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland, Snow White and of course Mickey and Minnie themselves. It was quite satisfying in that sense :).
9. Our private beach experience in Thalaserry. Yes, it was incredibly hot and yes, we got terribly tanned but the feeling of having the entire beach to one's self was empowering. And of course all the games of hand-sand.
10. Lying on Om Beach at night and looking at the stars. No explanations needed, it was simply beautiful.
11. A mad canal ride through Bangakok. This ride was made more exciting by the fact that it had rained very heavily that afternoon and the canal was swollen and the water quite turgid. Our boatman, without a care in the world, made the both go so fast that its prow was rising out of the water and it seemed about to take off. The rather exciting but slightly scary trip was completed when we later found out that due to the swollen river, a couple of tourists had been drowned while exploring some caves. Psycho shit!
12. Sistine Chapel in the Vatican. I can't really describe how I felt looking at those frescoes except for the fact that I was incredibly awestruck. Each figure seemed to come to life in the flickering candle-light and each panel had a story to tell.
13. The entire Dresden trip. Being the first phoren locale I had visited with friends and my first hop-on/ hop-off tour (which went on to have a profound influence on Anwesha and my lives), it was a fun and interesting trip helped by the fact that Dresden is an incredibly beautiful city.
14. The dash through Charles de Gaulle airport to catch the Frankfurt flight. Man I hate that airport! It was fun though :)
15. The tequila experiments in Pondicherry. Our extreme belief in the power of tequila and subsequent disappointment is something I will never forget!
16. Driving to Mysore. Mainly because of my driving powers and all those photo moments.
17. Breaking into random song on the slopes of Munnar. This is something I have been wanting to do for a while and I was lucky had two worthy individuals to accomplish this feat with :D
18. The thrill of travelling to Disneyland Paris without a ticket and actually fooling the ticketing machines. I still marvel at it sometimes!

The list ends at the somewhat random number 18 because these experiences undoubtedly stand out from the entire bunch of adventures one has on any holiday. I am honestly hoping one comes my way soon - something longer than 4 days. Major break required!

Rehna Tu

When times get hectic, one rarely gets to think about, well may be not happier, but less hectic and more languid and idyllic times. In fact, one shouldn't be indulging in such sighing and dreaming anyway. Yet, like I mentioned before, all it takes is one song to trigger your memories.

Radio One in Bangalore, for all its flaws, used to play Rehna Tu from Delhi 6 very regularly. I recently listened to it and suddenly found myself missing traffic jams on Mysore Road (when the song would invariably play and ease my tension), Grissy, discussing the intricacies of Rahman's music and music in general with Vivek, Aishu, Bhavi, Shore, Asma, Gupta, Amber and hell, several other lovely people who let music and its moods dictate their lives more often than not. I missed the rush of sitting next to someone you barely knew in class and having a long winded discussion with him/ her about life, love, relationships and random philosophies feeling wonderfully refreshed later on. I missed the randomness and closeness that life at law school made one accustomed to. I missed sleepy 5th year evenings in Bangalore, Chetta Maggi and that Nora Roberts book which I freely admit I have read several times and really like. I even missed Radio One's 'Maximum Music, maximum choice' and Indigo's terrible yet catchy music. After some contemplation on where life had taken me, I pulled myself out of my reverie and pushed off to the library to study.

Rehna Tu is a lovely song which moves between the sad, romantic and other worldly. Its mellow pace contrasts beautifully with the anguish in Rahman's voice. And the Kamas (I think) bit at the end adds yet another layer of contrast and complexity, ending the song on this haunting and wistful note - you can't but sigh after listening to the song. Like all Rahman's songs, it is incredibly layered and complex and yet simple in its soulful message (as opposed to those monstrosities he created for Slumdog and Raavan). At any rate, the song seems to have become inextricably linked with my last few months in Bangalore, its mildness somehow suiting the mild pace and weather of the city.

I am not sure how to conclude this post now. The 'me' in law school would have sighed over the song for hours together while the 'me' in IIM rapidly shuts out these external influences and concentrates on the task at hand. In several ways, it is a very good development. And in some other ways, it is a little sad. I hope at the end of my two years here, while emerging as a smarter and stronger person (with quant skills!), I will be able to retain that appreciation and love for these things that have so moved me in the past. And well, I've already spent too my time over this entry - the library beckons!

Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu....

Flying

Written on 16th September:

I am sitting in the duty free area of Mumbai's interntional airport on my first alone-alone international trip. Cool no? Just recently, when I landed at the Bangalore airport, as I hurried to the baggage claim area with a delighted smile on my face, I caught a glimpse of the immigration counters and suddenly longed to go abroad. Not that domestic travel isn't stimulating - but every now and then you get that desire to go somewhere truly far away, with a completely different culture. (actually you can ge that in India. Ok ok, I'm a wannabe firang) And that wish actually came true. Of course its only to Singapore. You don't have the satisfaction of flying at least 8 hours and seeing full-full phoren people..but still you go through immigration and end up at duty free, so you kinda get a feel of the thing.

The que for the the shuttle to the international terminal in the swanky new Mumbai airport is very very long. I stood in it for at least 45 minutes and at one point attempted to get an auto to go to the terminal. The airport guards seemed to have prepared for such an eventuality though and prevented me from doing so. However, I wouldn't miss the shuttle ride in the night for anything. If you love planes, like I do, you will love this ride. The domestic and international terminals are sort of opposite each other and the shuttle skirts the runway while taking you to the international terminal. You see a sea of lights in every colour possible..blue, red, yellow, green...an expanse of black dotted with pinpoints of light. It is quite an amazing sight. And of course you get to see planes taking off and landing. In the dark, the wing to wing lighting of the plane actually makes it look like a disc shaped object - very UFO like. It was quite a surreal experience. The best part was seeing Boeing 747s and Airbus 340s in their hangars. You realise how big the place is when you see it parked in a plane shaped building, where you get to admire its awesome wingspan and marvel at how such a massive thing gets off the group. A note to my engineer friends - science is rather cool at times!

Right now, I am drinking beer at watching an incredibly bad movie at one the numerous bars in this airport. I have finished my first term at IIM A :)

This is what I wrote at the airport when I was rather high on two cans of draught beer. I ended up spending a lovely 4 days in Singapore and have come back to what promises to be an insane 3 months. Sigh, the too-short pleasures of a holiday.

Faff

Faff is the only constant thing. and I have moved from one faffy profession to the next. Not that these professions don't have anything to them. Faff is after all grounded in some facts. At least some. What is faff, some of you may ask? (given my recently expanded readership). Well:

Faff is the ability to talk obliquely and verbosely about a particular topic or point of contention so as to make the reader/ listener believe that the the writer/ speaker has thought about the above-mentioned topic or point of contention for a considerable amount of time and has formed coherent views on the matter; when in reality, the writer/ speaker is merely improvising by employing large words and considerable rhetoric to state her or his case.

In fact that is faff. Another example: "The current project will act in a timely fashion to increase our bottomline through top-line growth achieved by vertical intergration employed in a strategic manner". I will soon be issuing statements like this.

Faff is an awesome word.

When we first came into law school, 5 years seemed to be a tiny period compared to school - a mere 10 minutes if school was an hour. During the course of law school, through tough periods, projects, fights, sliming sessions etc etc 5 years suddenly seemed too long. We wanted to get out, get away, get somewhere. In the last trimester, with those 5 years coming to an end, it suddenly seemed like law school was too short again. Like 5 years of excellent fun just whizzed past without us even realising it; and us failing to appreciate it entirely while we were going through it.
Now at the end however, one overwhelming feeling remains - that 5 years are enough.

The theme's getting repetitive I know. Don't worry, this is the last one. Well, may be.

A cat, a cooler and a juicer

I walked down 80 feet road, Indiranagar yesterday (after being told by the bank that I was still a minor as per their records and that they did not recognise my signature for withdrawals from my account) and it was a walk down memory lane. There was Sugandha Gift Gallery where we used to buy birthday gifts (when we spent a 100 bucks on them). And Chung's Pavillion where several birthday treats were given. There was the turning into New Thippasandra (nothing new and swanky about it) and the Bakery where we used to go to eat after school. Nearly every street in Indiranagar and Airport Road itself is full of forgotten good times - Coffee Days, Karthik Sweets, Kanti Sweets, Corner Houses, Baristas, Kaati Zones, Bombay Houses, Daily Breads, Casa Picolas, Shanti Sagars - scenes from a life in Bangalore without Law School.

Yet, while I used to think that Law School had spoiled Bangalore for me in several ways (primarily because many people who came down didn't like it and told me things like 'Oh, you should definitely go to Casa Picola'. I mean, really!), I realise now that it has made Bangalore all the more real for me. Pubs, discs, out of the way hamlets, tiny teashops, street food carts, shady bars - all these are very much a part of Bangalore and but for Law School, I would have never discovered them(or discovered much later).

How can I leave a city so seeped in memories..which has defined me so completely and has left an indelible mark on me? And on which I have left my own mark? Yet, I feel no real sadness on leaving - more a sense of completion. Like I know my time here is done, and I am ok with not coming back for a while (at least till the metro construction is completed). And as I start life on my own finally, with the things mentioned in the title, I am satisfied knowing that I have got all I can from this city and can leave it knowing I can still come back to it and feel loved.

In the past one week, I have slept for a total of 10 to 12 hours. My legs and head ache. I have been drunk continuously for 5 nights, stayed up till 5 in the morning on two occassions. I have lost my voice, I don't think its ever coming back! I have sung for 8 hours straight, have danced without stopping for nearly for 6 hours till 4.30 in the morning, have driven nearly 60 kilometers in one day and have just about managed to eat one small meal a day. Right now I feel like I will never recover from the exhausted state I am in. Because this is Univ Week and it has been the best week I have ever had.

5 years ago I went for my first driving class.
Today I drove my sister in my car to her first driving class.

Time flies...

Yet, I when switch Star World, The Bold and the Beautiful is still running.

'Shuttling' through life

Don't worry, this is not another post on walks.

It was another one of those nights where I couldn't sleep, due to a combination of an uneasy mind and an overly lethargic yesterday (yesterday? It just feels like one long today) Hence, at around 6:15, I decided I was fighting a losing battle and chose to use my wakefulness constructively by going for a morning walk. Now this is a very big deal in law school (though I hear Hegde does it with ashtonishing regularity). Waking up in time for a walk is quite unheard of, as is the general inclination to drag oneself out of bed, wear tracks and shoes and go trundling about outside. It is however a lovely experience. I have managed 3 such walks in the pretty BU area (in the morning that is), including this one.

As I have mentioned before, summer mornings will always be special for me. Summer mornings were extremely important to my weight loss program, and I have already blogged about that here. This time however, watching ever eager parents rush their groggy kids to various summer camps in SAI, I was reminded of an earlier set of summer mornings which meant 'the badminton training camp'. This camp was quite a torture. Handpicked favourites of Murali Sir (yes I was one :P) were made to come to Indiranagar Club at 6 in the morning for what can only be described as a rather cruel way to fully wake you up.

First, we had to run around the entire club complex 5 times or so. I was always invariably out of shape when it came to these rounds and would pull up last, huffing and puffing. We then plunged into a series of warm up exercises. This would be followed by either shadow practice (an excruiciating specialised form of badminton traning which involves taking seemingly impossible leaps from one extreme end of the court to the other to improve your agility) or dodge ball (to train reflexes). The latter was always a lot of fun, but the former was quite terrible. Finally came the dreaded skipping. Ideally you were supposed to skip for 1000 counts (I kid you not). Then, mercifully were the stretches. This entire process took one hour and geared you up for your proper round of coaching later in the day.

These mornings were also about Rohan Castelino. He was what made the mornings worth it. First of all, he had an incredibly exotic name. Secondly, he was very good looking. And thirdly, he was a beautiful badminton player. He moved with natural grace and fluidity across the court, his leaps to smash the shuttle defied gravity - or at least they seemed to then. I remember when Murali Sir partnered him with me in one doubles game. I could barely hold the racket and blushed everytime he complimented a shot of mine. Badminton players have a certain arrogance and assuredness about themselves and Rohan Castelino epitomised this. He was the shining star of badminton in Karnataka at that point. I have no idea where he is now (and I hope he never reads this!) but he is possibly my ealiest real crush, even before I really knew proper crush was.

Badminton and me thus go back a long way and one of my biggest regrets is that I have not continued playing it regularly in college. Oh well, after I start work, or possibly in my new dry dwelling, I will start pursuing it once again. Coming back to today, after the walk, where I explored a fair bit of BU, my ipod appropriately playing Awaara Bhavre from Sapney, I went and saw the pups. They were in a psychotic mood and managed to undo my laces. They also tried and failed to tear my tracks (not for nothing are they Adidas), unlike Anwesha's lucky pajamas.

I went back and even had breakfast..complete with papaya and the morning paper! And now I am all showered and ready to...sleep! Nah not really, but sleep will come soon. A lovely morning though, I should do this more often. I might even try to sneak into the SAI badminton court and watch the Indian team training (like Aishu and I did once, after Spiritus). Until next time!

There is an insane urgency about the way I would like to live my last month in Bangalore. An urge to savour every moment, attend every concert, drink every mug of beer generously offered, visit every place that once held meaning to me in my 15 years here. Because I know that this is possibly the last time in the next two years that I will be able to attend a good rock concert..without travelling to another city for it. Because it is going to be a long time till I can lay my lands on a pint of beer while listening to some rock classics. Because it is going to be a while till I can savour that beautiful evening breeze or watch those breathtaking sunsets.

Don't get me wrong, I am tremendously excited about where I am going. But I've always lived for the moment - and right now the moment demands that I live out my last month here fully and pay homage in this city to everything that has made me who I am (yes I am rather senti right now). I guess it has finally hit me, that I am out of here for good. Its time to make the best of what I have now.

A Diva is a Female Version of a Hustler

I am in some weird mood right now. This is what pressing deadlines do to you in 5th year. They make you go mad. You lose your sleep and appetite. You wallow in angst and snap at people. You feel Haldiram's Khatta Meetha is your only friend in the world, till that also makes your stomach pain. Soon the very thought of it makes you puke. You start downloading Madonna albums and get overtly emotional when something happens to prevent you from downloading the album (such as the power going off and the net gettting disconnected as a result of that). You attribute this to a great cosmic conspiracy to ensure you can't download Madonna albums. And then you end up writing a blog post with the above title.

This title is a line from 'Diva' by Beyonce. Not one of her best songs, but it grows on you. I have been listening to a lot a Beyonce in the past couple of days, mainly thanks to Aishu. Its amazing how she has evolved from 'Baby Boy' to 'If I were a Boy' (hahaahahha...joke). But seriously speaking, Beyonce is probably the one of the best artists around right now..and I really mean this.

I have a decision to make now which is killing me...work before pleasure or vice versa? Does vice versa have to be italicised? I am going to go now before I overkill with the random-ness :P

Mem'ries Old and Mellow

I can finally go down the nostalgia route now :D

I had blogged earlier about my sister and my Graduation Days in school. Going back to that, I remember mine distinctly. We had all assumed it would be an extremely emotional evening involving a lot of weeping over how school was getting over. Hence, we liberally stocked up on waterproof kaajal, mascara, eyeliner etc etc. However, when the evening actually came, none of us even remotely felt sad. Sure the nostalgia and senti was there, but they were of the happy sort..a time when memories were shared and relived, when old jokes were cracked, old crushes resurfaced, lots of photos were clicked and a hilarious video was taken (by your's truly). It was one of the loveliest evernings of my life, made beautiful by the fact that though we knew school was getting over, we chose be happy about the time we had together and everything we shared then. On this senti note, this is how I want law school to end as well. Because its considerably harder stepping out of college into the working world and because law school is infinitely more hateable than school, leaving it produces mixed emotions. But what ultimately remain are the good memories - those little recollections that a unique combination of hostel life, a hectic life and in short only Law School Life can produce. As a salute to them, I present my favourite-est memories of law school (in no real order. Chronological or otherwise):

1. My first De Minimis practice. I was amazed at how our voices blended together so seamlessly.
2. The first Glorious performance. It was definitely our best.
3.The first time we ordered pizza in that 'shoe-box' room (as Anwesha called it). We were so blown away by our cool-ness!
4. The night before the Eco 1 paper, when the lights went off and acad was open all night. I still regret being a good girl and rushing off at 3am to get some sleep now. Anyways, its not like I managed a good grade for all my planned studying!
5. The night before Socio. 7 people in one tiny room. Junk food flowing freely. And a 60 page speech to read by BR Ambedkar. 'Nuff said!
6. All SFs and Le Galas but especially SF in first year. Because of Palace Grounds, Junkyard Groove, Demonic Resurrection, Waste Management and cool (albeit dangerous) pyros. Also, Le Gala second year. What an event - no words to describe it!
7. Cleaning up 101 to make it habitable. When we wrenched out those iron rods and dumped them in the quad....ahh the glory!
8. Obviously all the trips we ever took. Especially Pondi, Wayanad, Munnar and Coorg this time.
9. That particular night on Surya terrace - the only time I've cried when drunk. Its the kind of hep thing you only do in college :P
10. Most evenings at Mojos. Particular favourites include that one time Aishu (with Mashukar, Anwesh and Adarsh) broke the pitcher and when Gupta, Anwesha, Madhukar and Me spent a whole day drinking beer at Le Rock and then when to Mojos and nailed some more. Insane!
11. Several evenings and nights in Alibi. Esp that one time with Aishu and that other time with Shore and Vipul.
12. The first time we went dancing. From my place - all heavily made up. And Pooja famously asking Anwesha what she 'left behind'.
13. All the other times we've squeezed into one auto with pretty clothes and gone dancing. To Spin, Sparks (where are these places now?!), Taika etc. The thrill of doing it in first year made it better!
14. The CAD debates in second year. Though they sadly turned acrimonious in the end, they were definitely great fun!
15. That one Karaoke night at Opus with Shore, Vipul and Sriraj. Unfortunately it was on 26th November 2008. But what a night!
16. All Dil Se practices. I will always remember them with a certain fondness.
17. Most Ethics classes. There was just something about them that seemed to symbolise the essence of our batch!
18. Epic Thursday of course!
19. A equally Epic Friday which involved watching 'Radio' and drinking in the movie theatre with Bhavi.
20. Admit One 2008. Well because :P
21. All the NLS Balls I have attended. Each one was special.
22. The post GMAT celebrations. They weren't really in Law School but were certainly imbibed with good Law School flavour.
23. That evening in Acad with Shore, Sanjana and Nalin. Watching 'The Lion King' and cracking up over Sanjana's fish.
24. The St. John's rock concert. TAAQ, Mother Jane and the rain. Defnitely the craziest thing I have done for live music!

And there are many more which I forget. Of course, ideally the fests and holidays shouldn't make an appearance at all in this list and I ought to just mention incredibly personal, almost forgotten memories. Yet, it is impossible for me to record every single conversation, cracking up session, intense discussion, round of crying etc because there were so many of them and they were what made Law School overwhelmingly fun more than anything else. Because Law School is truly about its people and when you have the right kind of people supporting you, all you do remember at the end of the day is how fantastic they were and how much your life was enriched by them. And at the end of that day, after all I've said..I love this place. I do not know who I would be without it.

From Wet to Dry

SO....

Now would be a good time to ask me for anything. Cuz all I can keep saying is 'Oh Yeah'. Though you may get put off by the maniacal grin on my face.

Have to speak to Usher..I guess he's not gonna be saying 'Yeah!'

Its time for full party - sharty or party - geety (depending on which part of the country you come from).

I shall leave it to emoticons to express the rest of my emotions :D :D :D :D :D :D :P :P :P :P :P :P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nah, they can't do it really! But I love everyone who kept me sane during this. Truly love! Its time for another set of 'hallowed portals'..and a considerably better set of achievements therein!

Well strangely enough the only song that has managed to move me to tears is Din Dhal Jaye from Guide. I happened to hear it during that wonderful weekend at Asma's place, where at approximately 6.30 in the morning it played in the Retro Hits program on some obscure channel called E24. The song stayed in my head and though a long day involving a hep breakfast, running around looking for a mechanic for Grissy (my car) and other such things put it temporarily out of my mind; I found that when I lay down to sleep I could think of nothing else.

There is something about the way Rafi has sung that song, which transcends all language barriers, if any. I couldn't remember the lyrics; I don't even know what dhal means..and yet, like Raasathi (the only other song that has moved me this much, just short of making me cry) there is something intensely sad and unearthly about the song that filled me with a strange kind of longing. I finally switched on my laptop and buffered the song on Youtube. The moment the opening line was sung, I started crying and continued to do so till the song ended. I still can't describe what it does to me; just thinking about the song and humming it brings a lump to my throat. The understated emotion in Rafi's voice and the incredible melody of the song is just so beautiful. It can hardly be expressed in words in fact. There's this constant need to listen to the song and get lost in its music and Rafi's voice - the way he manages to convey so much without goind over the top (like Sonu Nigam or something)..resulting in an actual, almost physical pain when I'm not listening to it. Its been a while since I've been obsessed with a song, but I am quite taken in with this one. Beautiful, magical stuff.

New and Improved!!

This template is a product of.....painstakingly trawling the internet (no I did not write an uber funky HTML code :P) and trying out many themes which appealed to me. I confess my second favourite theme was a violently purple one called 'Emo', but on closer viewing, it didn't look all that attractive.

I like this template. Its simple and intimate and has a Mona Lisa and a beer mug in it. What really clinched the deal for me was the hanger for my links and other miscellanea. And the sofa at the bottom is a nice touch. Kinda symbolic, given I'm finally gonna move out of home and everything.

Also, I want to change the name of this blog. 'Shine On' is nice, and I don't want to break the continuity but I want something will gels more with the larger theme of this blog now (plus apart from Floyd, it is also the name several other songs including a shady hip-hop cum salsa number by R.I.O.). Any suggestions?

I am trying not to think about these things, but I can't help it sometimes. Law school is ending anyway but has it ended early for me? In these moments I can only repeat this lyric and drive out these thoughts. Or I start reading The Economic Times. :)

Today while heading to the gym, I was listening to 'We can Work it Out' by The Beatles. No sooner had McCartney finished singing 'Try to see it my way' when a car passed by me. On the back of the window 'Jesus is my way' was printed.

Hep no? :P

4 days from now is possibly the most important day of my life. For three letters in the English alphabet. All I've ever wanted is in those three letters.

Sorry if this is getting boring. I am rather obssessed. Will stop soon, I promise.

I paid my price with solitude
But at least I'm out of debt

Every once in a while you look for a line that captures your mood and Bam! It (usually a Dylan lyric) just hits you.

Summer

It is so incredibly hot. Its the kind of heat where you can do nothing but lie on the bed under the too-slow fan and complain about how hot it is.

We have an AC. We spent about 15 minutes trying to get it to come on and another 10 minutes adjusting the settings so that it would actually start functioning as an AC and not a glorified fan. My sister and me took turns standing under it to gauge the level of cooling while my Mom issued comments from the couch which were chiefly of the 'I still can't feel it' variety. Finally, we got the thing going only to find that our constructed-in-a-hurry-with-faulty-wiring house couldn't sustain the AC for beyond 15 minutes. The power promptly tripped. Various combinations of appliances were tried till it was found that the AC and TV could last for a full 45 minutes together before tripping the power. The AC however doesn't have the power to cool the entire hall. Which is a pity.

Its that time of the year when bottles are shoved in the freezer, showers are taken frequently and all you want to do is jump in a pool but that requires trudging through the heat to IC and putting up with all those pesky kids. Though now I am old enough (duh) togo swimming at the much coveted 'adult time' which is after 6pm. Man I can still remember how we kids used to wish we were old enough to swim at that time! In IC however, if I go swimming for just one day, they charge my parents for 6 months. So I will have to plan my swimming schedule carefully. That also means its time for a new swim-suit..yaay!

My head is aching now and I have to write a response paper for a course I wish I hadn't taken (I guess there is always one of those). Sigh, I guess I better get started on this. Bleh. And Bleh-ness.

IPL and Nostalgia

Wow two posts within hours of each other.

The IPL match yesterday made me remember and re-live everything that I so love about this city:

1. It was cool inside the stadium. I know its incredibly hot in the sun, but the temperature in the shade is always so much better.
2. There were a respectable number of Delhi flags in the stadium. All in all, Delhi was well represented. Its certainly one of the larger representations of the 'other' team which I have seen in a home stadium (possibly with the exception of Bombay matches).
3. The songs they played at the stadium included 'Mundiya toh Bach gayi', 'Kaala Chashma', 'Dhan Tana', 'Jinke Marina', similar funky Kannada songs (including that really popular Rajkumar song who's name I know but don't know how to spell), 'Muqabala' (the Hindi version), 'We Will Rock You' and 'Sweet Child of Mine'. I mean where else will you get that kind of diversity?!
4. The sun setting over the stadium looked beautiful. The colour of the sky was that brilliant turquoise which only the Bangalore sky seems to be able to achieve. (in a city I mean, this doesn't include hill stations and other pretty places). Truly, Bangalore has the best sunsets.
5. Anil Kumble. SO VERY HOT.
6. Looking at the other people in my stand. There were several Hindi speakers and what not. But they were wearing red and gold.

And that, in essence is Bangalore. Diverse, South Indian, porki, cultured, drunk, sophisticated, Indian, Westernized, beautiful, overcrowded....but hostile? Polluted? Conservative? Never, not as I have known it or will continue to know it. I cannot believe it is just three months more. I realise now that I will miss my Bangalore. A lot.

Two Drifters, Off to see the World

"Never love a wild thing, Mr. Bell," Holly advised him. "That was Doc's mistake. He was always lugging home wild things. A hawk with a hurt wing. One time it was a full-grown bobcat with a broken leg. But you can't give your heart to a wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get. Until they're strong enough to run into the woods. Or fly into a tree. Then a taller tree. Then the sky. That's how you'll end up, Mr. Bell. If you let yourself love a wild thing, you'll end up looking at the sky."

"She's drunk," Joe Bell informed me.

Breakfast at Tiffany's the movie, is a glitzy affair, high on aesthtics..a lot about Audrey Hepburn in her Givenchy and Audrey Hepburn in general. The movie is touching and poignant in several ways, but its beauty is (at least I think) slightly overshadowed by the Golightly/ Hepburn cult following it created.

Breakfast at Tiffany's the book is however a different experience altogether. The book's jacket describes it as a glamorous portrayal of New York in the 40s. In my opinion, it is anything but that. The book strips bare the glamour and exposes the cracks, the artificial lives and the struggle to survive in a city of the rich and famous. Your heart goes out to young writer 'Fred' (who is unnamed in the book) and his purely platonic affection for Holly (For I was in love with her. Just as I'd once been in love with my mother's elderly coloured cook and a postman who let me follow him on his rounds and a whole family named McKendrick. That category of love generates jealousy, too. as he puts it). You can almost feel the pain of Holly's husband when he has to leave her for good. And of course, there's Holly herself. Larger than life, confused, trying to be something she thinks she is...'A real phoney' as her agent calls her. Truman Capote (who is rapidly becoming one of my favourite writers) writes beautifully and lyrically, the prose peppered with metaphors that draw you into the story and make you feel for the characters.

The reason I'm writing this post and reproducing the exchange at its beginning is because I've always fancied myself as something of a Holly Golightly, the essence of whom (and myself in that sense) is captured in those lines (and I don't mean as a fashion icon or anything). When I first heard these lines in the movie, I quite fell in love with them. 'This is me' I thought (or liked to think), 'a wild thing that can't be loved'. While I was no doubt glamorising myself (as we all are prone to doing at some point I'm sure), I have in general been averse to any sort of commitment, fiercely holding on to my 'freedom' and despising myself for growing dependent in anyway. This has proved to be a fairly reasonable (if not prudent) philosophy to have in life. However, I am wondering now if that was in a large degree to do with some kind of emotional immaturity. While there is still a lot of appeal in those lines, it is also someone I want to be, but whom I can't really be anymore (and it is quite hard for me to accept this). Maybe its time to 'settle down' in that sense and really figure out this aspect of my life, because I increasingly find myself longing for that kind of companionship. Or maybe I am too afraid to get attached, I still don't know, and I don't think I've quite struck that balance yet. Whatever it might be, while those lines continue to move me, they don’t do so necessary because they resonate with larger truths about my life. They touch me for the sheer simplicity of the comparison and the beauty with which they are written. They also really make me wish I could express myself that way. And yet, I still don't know....

Holly lifted her martini. "Let's wish the Doc luck, too," she said, touching her glass against mine. "Good luck: and believe me, dearest Doc -- it's better to look at the sky than live there. Such an empty place; so vague. Just a country where the thunder goes and things disappear."

Probably.

On possible moves into a Dry State

Dreams DO come true.

HELL YEAH!

Provided you work your ass off...

But they do :D

I have no words to describe the feeling. I can only shake my head in disbelief and joy. And I have stopped trying to make sense of life..officially!

There is a possibility. The house may be rebuilt..possibly with some stronger material. I'm not saying much more now. Lets close this chapter and move on shall we?

Fragile

Life, events and achievements are altogether too fragile. These past three months have built up a house of cards in my head. A house of cards whose terrace reached the clouds. And what a view it was! But the clouds obscured the real view. They made me see only the airplanes flying at my level..but blocked out the termites settled in the foundations. Termites that were invariably there because the foundation was fragile..always built on mediocrity and nothing more. And before I knew it, the house of cards fell down..some of the cards lingered in a kind of suspended reality, leering and me before they are collapsed in a pile over the mediocre foundations. A house built with hard work, sincerity and grit..but the foundations were too mediocre to hold it up. They were always too mediocre. And I lie there in the foundations, dazed with the termites jeering at me and wonder about the house of cards with weak foundations..wonder if it was even worth the effort. I mean, who even bothers to put in that kind of labor for something so transient with weak foundations on top of it!

But the house of cards was precisely that. It was built with skill and determination to prove to the world and to myself that it could be built..no matter how futile the endeavor. In a way, the house of cards is (was) the foundation for another house. But now it has collapsed..and I am left wondering what will happen, whether any house cards or brick can be built on foundations that are essentially mediocre.

Aiyyo.....aiyyo... and..... aiyyo. More decisions of life changing sort happening. Confusion also happening. I thought I was done with these decisions!

Will go drown myself in some music..the only real and constant thing.

Btw, this is my 100th post! Man I had no idea I could write so much!!

Breeeaaak-aaaaa-waaayy!

Spent an interesting and funky evening with my oh-god-not-again-I'm-still-hesitant-about-this-whole-thing roommates in Bombay i.e. Aishu and Anwesha. We basically realised that we would be spending shit loads of money..not just on the apartment but also on the furniture, appliances, commute, food etc. After discussing apartment rents, apartment locations (preferably near a train line), bed sizes we wanted (Aishu wants a double bed!! We need to feed ourselves here!), fridge sizes and whether it made sense carrying Thenmuzhi (my fridge) all the way to Bombay, the merits of carting the same mattresses which had served us so loyally in hostel (to save mattress costs), stealing a microwave from Anwesha's house and cutlery from Aishu's cousins, my juicer, the pros and cons of keeping a cat (or may be two cats), whether I was going to ditch last minute or not, how soon to get a TV, whether Aishu and me could play loud music when Anwesh was around, which cuisines Aishu and me should learn to cook, which chores Anwesh should perform since she can't cook, how soon we could get a sofa and not just use mattresses on the floor in the living room, obtaining a non-stick pan for dosas from my house, getting pressure cookers gifted to us, LPG connections and various other issues which crop up when you suddenly find that you have to move out of home and the city where you've spent most of your life and real estate prices are cheaper to a new, larger, grittier, dirtier and warmer city (no more sweaters!) where possibly everything is designed to sap you of your money, energy and life blood; I trudged wearily back to my room with the weight of all the pending expenses on my shoulders, to see photos of my sister's fresh, shining face at her graduation day, looking beautiful in a purple saree (I must admit, it is actually better than my graduation day saree) (thus ends the longest sentence I have ever written). I obviously could not resist a peek after that, at my own graduation day photos where I also looked fresh and shining in a pink saree (actually our sarees are equally good). Man that was a long time ago. And man, I still feel great after that discussion..ready to take on the world types. I am sure one month into living in Bombay, I will be crying about home, Bangalore and the slow life, but right now I'm too excited about this move..the excitement of finding my own place, decorating it, filling it with furniture and cool Nigella-esque cooking items and on top of it all, earning my own pay and spending it without any guilt or hang ups (and obviously saving some). Interesting life ahead, I like :D

I started this blog in my third year and am now in my fifth. The fag end of my fifth year actually. I'm quite struck by the way the general mood and nature of my posts have fluctuated during this time. In fact, I am so struck that I have made a graph indicative of the same (its rather small, you will have to click on it to get a better idea..I'm a techno spaz):




I'm glad it turned out this way though. I have had my ratty phases yes; but something has always kept me going in a natural upward progression. So right now, the mood is tops! It may sound funny but I actually feel I've become wiser (yes Anwesha, I hear you laughing), and though till third trimester of 4th year I still sounded like a whiny idiot, I think I've acquired a great level of maturity and level-headedness since then. Having said this, I've run out of things to post about I think. Music's always there, but I'm thinking of relocating music related posts to a separate blog altogether as there is so much to say. Hmmm, then there's tennis but I haven't been watching much. Hoping Murray and Henin win though (go Henin!) Sigh, I'm so bored, I'm even boring myself with this post. Maybe another day!

Finally I can say this - I am employed! I have a job! And a fairly good one at that! It also makes these coming months my last few in Bangalore..atleast for a while. Cuz first there's work, then MBA, then more work. I'm not sure how I feel about it, it hasn't really hit me yet. I don't feel afraid, upset or apprehensive, in fact I feel mildly excited. But then. Bangalore has changed too much for me to identify with anymore.

Anyhow, coming back to the happy stuff - the job was got after a lot of tension. This trimester has been a lot about tensions of various kinds but has culminated in a set of fantastic achievements These have got to be the most crucial three months of my life; regardless of whether I was looking out to settle my immediate future or lay the foundations for what I intend to do later and in life. And boy, I cannot begin to express how overjoyed and humbled I have been by the whole experience.

I can't finish this post without thanking everyone who was there for me during these months. The kind of love and support that I have got has been incredible and in some way has made me finally make my peace with all the confused, misanthropic emotions that have been swirling in my head for a while. Truly, people can be the awesome-est at times.

Birthday was easily also the best I've had in years - it involved signing my contract after all; followed by a lovely dinner with the above-thanked awesome people; missing the remaining awesome people who couldn't make it. I'll stop gushing for now and just say this - life's finally back on track! And I can finally look myself in the eye again :D