Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I am slightly concerned for myself - I knew there would be anger..but so much of it? And the subsequent sleeplessness and dreams?! Little weird I feel, not too healthy also. Must get out. I shall watch some Roland Garros today.

Monday, May 25, 2009

An Affair to Remember

This seems to be an extremely shady title for a post about a mere law school committee, but to me, the Cultural and Fine Arts Committee has always been more than that. While I wouldn't go as far as to say that it defined my identity in law school, it has become very much a part of my life. Apart from being the first place in law school where I felt I truly belonged, it has helped me develop an understanding of my own shortcomings and has surprised me by helping me bring out my strenghts and has stood by me as something I could always fall back on...the eternal thing that I was always good at. I have never had so much satisfaction and pure pleasure from working for anything else; undoubtedly there have been stressful periods, politics, tiring, mundane tasks and moments where I felt like giving it all up. But my basic love for what the committe did, and what a committee like it could do made me continue. I sincerely hope that at the end of my three years, especially last year, that the seeds have been sown to make law school a more wholesome and entertaining place.

Things I will not miss about CulComm:
1. Having to curse a fairly nice thing like rain all the time. I can finally appreciate rain again.
2. Running behind sponsors. I am an absolute child of the corporate world, but these companies should really be nicer to us!
3. Dealing with univ week politics across all batches - enough to drive anyone insane.

Things I will miss about CulComm:
1. Waiting for a Quad Party to take off and playing whatever music I like in the mean time on the speakers.
2. The sheer delight of watching a large scale event that you have organised come together.
3. Having the authority to make shady comments on the mike, for all events.

Through all the years in law school, CulComm has been a constant companion (I know this sounds ridiculous, but it is true). It is something I could put my heart and soul into when all other opportunities were bleak, something which constantly challenged me to expand my vision (promoting cultural awareness in a cynical place like law school is not easy) and something which allowed me to fully realise my creative potential. It is something I have loved and will greatly miss. Here's raising a toast to three of the best years of my life and all the laughter, tears and wonderful friends made.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

In keeping with the current theme of change (Obama-esque), people around you change as well..and a lot. I just wish they didn't have the disconcerting habit of changing when you least expect it. But then I guess you just never expect some people to change.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I just want someone to take a walk with in the evenings, to enjoy this wonderful weather. Thats all I want.
Watching those videos of Thiruda Thiruda today confirmed that my vague childhood memories of a lot of people dancing in front of a palace like structure and a fairly plump woman in a white scandalous (as considered by my family then) top and skirt, were actually about something tangible. I could remember both Veera Pandi Kottayela and Kannum Kannum as songs that I have definitely heard (apart from the electric Chandralekha, which I have heard otherwise also). I am also hooked onto Rasathi. Its tam a cappela! I'm pretty sure I haven't heard this song before; or may be I have and it subconciously influenced my a cappella craze. A really lovely song, one of the best I've heard I think. Its seriously time I went back and watched some of these movies again. Rewatching Baazigar was excellent. I shouldn't let all this great music fade into mere memory.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Law School changes you. I'm not sure it does anything else. It may not teach you too much in terms of acads, it may or may not help you discover certain talents in yourself, it can choose to provide or withold opportunities. But it changes you for sure. For better or for worse, you are simply not the same person you were when you first stepped into this institution. A combination of a highly small community, a competitive environment and a diverse culture attacks nearly all your established characteristics, traits and sensibilities.

I have been facing a tumutlous couple of weeks, as my previous posts probably have indicated. For my part, I feel somehow that the insides have been scooped out of me, leaving a shell..a more clever and watchful shell, nonetheless. By insides, I mean those things I prided myself about. About being untarnished by gossip, always having a clean reputation, being very good at acads, being extremely self-assured and confident, being a good, if not great singer, being honest, sincere, kind and generous, not getting influenced by *negative* emotions too much..and so on. I was an idealistic cocoon, so to speak. I was independent minded, but well rooted and grounded. In the past few years, these above attributes have been repeadtedly torn to shreds..even the good singer bit! At one point of time, these ideals (leaving out the acads bit) were considered law school, they seemed to be stupidity itself.

I discovered how selfish I could be; how jealous and possessive I could get; how my self confidence could be shattered; how I could spend hours gossiping and actually enjoying it. It was a revelation in many ways.

Now, if I stand apart and look at myself, I am surprisingly not disgusted by the person I have become: watchful, extremely self-protective, selfish, frank to a fault, short tempered and apathetic. I feel at some level, I needed to become all these things, I like myself more as a person now - someone who can actually face the world eye to eye. May be its a sad thing or may be its just a reflection of these times. Pity about the self confidence though..that bit really bugs me.