Law School changes you. I'm not sure it does anything else. It may not teach you too much in terms of acads, it may or may not help you discover certain talents in yourself, it can choose to provide or withold opportunities. But it changes you for sure. For better or for worse, you are simply not the same person you were when you first stepped into this institution. A combination of a highly small community, a competitive environment and a diverse culture attacks nearly all your established characteristics, traits and sensibilities.

I have been facing a tumutlous couple of weeks, as my previous posts probably have indicated. For my part, I feel somehow that the insides have been scooped out of me, leaving a shell..a more clever and watchful shell, nonetheless. By insides, I mean those things I prided myself about. About being untarnished by gossip, always having a clean reputation, being very good at acads, being extremely self-assured and confident, being a good, if not great singer, being honest, sincere, kind and generous, not getting influenced by *negative* emotions too much..and so on. I was an idealistic cocoon, so to speak. I was independent minded, but well rooted and grounded. In the past few years, these above attributes have been repeadtedly torn to shreds..even the good singer bit! At one point of time, these ideals (leaving out the acads bit) were considered amazing..in law school, they seemed to be stupidity itself.

I discovered how selfish I could be; how jealous and possessive I could get; how my self confidence could be shattered; how I could spend hours gossiping and actually enjoying it. It was a revelation in many ways.

Now, if I stand apart and look at myself, I am surprisingly not disgusted by the person I have become: watchful, extremely self-protective, selfish, frank to a fault, short tempered and apathetic. I feel at some level, I needed to become all these things, I like myself more as a person now - someone who can actually face the world eye to eye. May be its a sad thing or may be its just a reflection of these times. Pity about the self confidence though..that bit really bugs me.