Today I slept only at 6 am. Since I was up till then anyway, I decided to see the sunrise, something I was seeing after what seemed like ages. It was such a quiet time of the day, I had forgotten. In the east, there was a red glow, just highlighting the edge of the trees while the west was still dark and brooding, with the moon shining on brightly in the center. Birds of every type seemed to welcome the day, there was one particularly melodious birdsong which was lovely to listen to. Apart from that, complete silence. I could imagine the bustle of the walkers beyond the boundaries of college, hurrying along with their heads down, oblivious to anything and those others who sauntered around, talking to everyone, drinking in the liquid pure air.

It made me sad, watching the sunrise today. I felt sad that at one point of time, I was capable of waking up to see it without fail, that I was a part of those walkers, a part of this surreal time. I had forgotten that summers in Bangalore weren't all that hot because the summer mornings were so delightful and cool, that the college campus was actually so pretty devoid of people, that such silence was possible at a time of the day, that the world was capable of looking young and unscathed. I missed being an integral part of it all..the early summer mornings, heading off for a walk or a swim with Mom playing the Suprabatham (always M.S.'s version) followed by Bhaja Govindam, coming back to a nice cool bath and continuing with the rest of that day having woken up into that lovely time with a fresh outlook in life.

Instead, I now wake up sometime in the middle of the day, into a dusty, noisy atmosphere that does nothing good for my temper and I sleep at an unearthly hour, my eyes smarting and red and my head heavy. I think its time for some discipline, some real improvements in my life..its time to cut away all the lose ends and ensure that my life is not full of gaping holes. Once again I resolve this, once again my resolve will break....thats what life has become, a series of unresolved resolves!

But someday I will actually wake up and see the sunrise again, and may be that day will signify some kind of turning point, some definitive realisation of what my life has become and what I have become. Because, though I know what's happened to me it hasn't hit me hard enough yet, I've started living with it. But there's still hope, as long as there is the awareness that life was better. As George Harrisson put it, "Sunrise doesn't last all morning...All things must pass away". Someday, as long as there is a sunrise, this phase will pass...