One Love

Before you think this entry is about that shady song by Blue, so popular a few years back, it is not. It is about probably the most idealistic notion shared by me and a blind faith in movies like Dil Toh Pagal Hai, Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (by the way, this has nothing to do with Sharukh Khan). I am one of those specimens who believes (and used to also preach about, have relaxed a bit now) that in life, you meet One Man whom you fall in love with, date, marry, sleep with and spend the rest of your life with. And though I no longer actively subscribe to this belief, I think at some level, it does limit me when I consider prospective choices or evaluate the pros and cons of a possible relationship. In all fairness, there haven't been too many prospects but again thats because I have this image of the ideal man in my head, with a never ending list of attributes, which prevents me from venturing out into the big world of courting, flirting and dating. Again, you can question whether I am charming enough to attract someone if I did enter that realm, but lets not go into that right now.

Of late, I have started to introspect a lot on this aspect of my personality and wonder if it is outdated and old-fashioned (you're probably jumping up and down on your chair yelling "Yes! For God's sake!" right now). Let me first elaborate on why I feel this way. I guess I have been subjected to the traditional Tam-Bram upbringing after all, despite all my escapades, and thus have a firm, unshakable belief in marriage (being a union of two souls and such faff, am a sucker for this kind of thing). This being said, my argument is that, when you go into a relationship open to the idea of break-up, what's the point of going into one? Why not keep it at the level of friendship only, discover everything you know about that person that way and decide if you can love them for their faults and flaws. Isn't courting a big put on at times anyway? Isn't it vulnerable to misrepresentation? A close friendship will tell you everything you need to know about himself or herself person, may be even more. Is the emotional baggage that comes with going out really necessary?

Now the main question is, unless you date a person and get to know how he is in a relationship, how will you ever know what he is like truly when it comes to commitment, intimacy, accessibility and other things that come into play. Let me make it clear, I do not mean that when you start to date a man, you should marry only him. Rather, I mean that you should date a man when there is a high probability that you will marry him. So how do you know when it is the right man? Here, my argument falters a bit and climbs into abstract levels where you Know that he is the One (LOTR always influences my writing, sorry) and feel ready to spend your life with him because you know that he is everything you wanted, or to put it into that immortal phrase "He is the Someone, Somewhere who is made for you". Thus, I get caught in my idealistic trap while practically speaking, there are several great guys out there whom I'm unwilling to even consider because of my high expectations.

And yet, I'm not completely convinced that my opinion is so untenable. For doesn't getting into a relationship on the basis of a strong friendship and common interests with the knowledge that it will definitely go somewhere give you that extra incentive to work on it? Of course, breaking up isn't completely out of the picture, but it can be pushed aside as an option for as long as possible. I don't know if I'm being extremely close minded here, I've had people coming and telling me "Oh he's really serious but its obviously not going to happen, my parents want me to only marry a (community, religion caste, whatever) person." Well what's the point of going out then?

The main conclusion I can draw from all these insights is that, this point of view has effectively kept me from going out with anyone and probably will continue to do so. I do try to shake it off, but it has been deeply ingrained in me. May be the concept does exist, may be it is just a product of an over-active imagination and an over-hopeful nature, but anyway, dreams of a knight in a white shining veshti riding on a buffalo still persist :)
Someone, somewhere is made for me......